Shaun Of The Pizza?
by CreativePunk77
Summary: My version of the missing scene where Shaun distracts the zombies and leads them away from the Winchester.


**SHAUN OF THE PIZZA?**

"DAVID!"

"FUCK SAKE, DAVID!"

"DAFFS, WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!"

David stared wide-eyed at the others. At his girlfriend, the girl he was infatuated with, her loser of an ex, the ex's worthless shit of a best mate and the twitchy mother of the ex.

"What?! That was the _only way_ to get in there! Now _MOVE!_ _Before THEY get us!"_

He squeaked as a zombie latched onto the back of his brown jacket, tearing it from the lapel downwards. Wrenching himself free, he dived through the broken window, clutching at the tattered remains of his jacket, which crumpled around his form. David staggered forwards, nearly tripping over the rubbish bin and slumped onto one of the chairs. He sneered at the _dump_ he was in, not having the courtesy to either see or help the others, who were still outside.

Diane and Liz shared a look, both contemplating whether to follow the prick known as David, or stay and defend the rest of their rag tag group. Yet after prompting from Ed, the pair scrambled through the window, cursing as they heard the zombies shuffle closer.

Ed cast a forlorn look at his shattered phone screen lying on the ground before allowing determination to set in. Bounding over to his best mate's mother, he yelled:

"Come on Barbara!" And scooped her up into his hefty arms.

Barbara squeaked, snapping out of her trance-like state. Ed glanced at Shaun, hissing:

"Shaun! We gotta _go_!"

Shaun Riley barely heard him. His vision and concentration was solely on the hundreds of zombies gazing hungrily at him. There was _no way_ the six of them could escape unscathed. They couldn't just dive through the pub window and pretend that there was nothing harmful outside.

' _I need to distract them...'_

Snapping to a decision, Shaun clambered on top of a bin disposal and waved his hands in the air.

"Hey! Everyone, look at me! It's Shaun! Your next meal!"

He muttered: "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!" As the zombies reached out for him. Ed gawped, astounded at his mate's antics. But before he could voice this, Shaun bellowed:

"In the pub Ed! Look after Mum for me! I'll be back!"

On this extended shout, Shaun launched himself into the air, landing awkwardly. Flapping his arms, he vanished around the side of the pub, roaring:

"COME ON, YOU PIECES OF SHIT! FOLLOW THE MEAL!"

Ed blinked as the zombies followed Shaun, their moaning increasing in volume as their meal got further and further away. When at last, the area was zombie-free, Ed pivoted to face the window.

"Alright, Barbara?"

The woman shakily nodded, eyes on an item that had slid out of the upturned bin. Ed moved forwards, hoisting one leg up, edging it carefully above the remains of the glass. His breathing rapid, Ed faltered, nearly slicing his leg open on the glass when a tug on his shirt occurred.

He withdrew his leg, lowering it and stepped back. Glancing down at Barbara, he followed her finger, spying the tatty bouquet of flowers among the rest of the rubbish on the ground.

Ed bent down, allowing Barbara to pick them up. Her slightly glazed eyes drifted over them, plucking the note attached to the bouquet. "To a wonderful Mum…" She muttered. She glanced up at Ed, clutching them to her chest.

"I think they're for me, Edward."

Ed smiled. "That's nice, Barbara. Shaun's a good son. Now hold on, we'll be inside the Winchester in no time at all."

* * *

Shaun trotted along the street, occasionally throwing looks over his shoulder. Every time he did so, the shuffling mass seemed to expand in number which Shaun counted, for the first time, as a positive. The more zombies that were on _his_ trail, the less the six of them would have to encounter later. He diverted down an alleyway, skidding to a halt when he emerged onto a main road.

Shaun twisted around, unable to stop the peals of laughter breaking free. In the alleyway, there was a massive bundle. The zombies groaned, packed in tightly. They gestured with their mangled hands at Shaun, failing to get any closer to him. Shaun was impressed that they had made it half-way down, but knew that he _had_ to keep moving.

If the pack grew and it most certainly _would,_ then the other end of the alley would become blocked and the zombies would look for another way round to get to the main road. Shaun wiped his eyes, scanning the area. Any vehicle would do. No matter how small or shitty. His eyes lit up as they fell across one nearby.

" _Hello…"_

* * *

"Anyone want a fag?"

Diane shook her head, whilst David recoiled in disgust. " _Why_ would I want one of _those things?!_ I-"

"Alright dickhead, don't need your life story. Liz?"

Liz nibbled on her lip for a few moments before shrugging and reaching forward. "Oh, screw it! Hit me up, Ed!"

Ed grinned, passing a cigarette over alongside his lighter. Once Liz had lit up, he replicated the actions for his own one, then waved the pack at Barbara.

"Oh, no thank you dear. When will Shaun be coming back?"

A gloomy silence fell down onto the bunch of survivors. Whilst the others racked their brains for a sympathy line, Diane exclaimed:

"Ooh those are _beautiful_ flowers!" She elbowed David when he muttered darkly:

"Yes, they were beautiful when Shaun gave them to Lizzie."

The lower half of Barbara's face twitched into an uneasy smile. Showing off the note, she mumbled: "I suppose these were meant for when Shaun visited me and Phillip. Phillip would have loved these…."

She trailed off as tears sprung to her eyes. Diane and Liz scurried over to Shaun's mother, the latter hastily extinguishing her cigarette. Diane pulled Barbara to her, Liz rubbing soothing circles onto her trembling back.

David sighed and hauled himself to his feet. Wandering over to the door marked 'Private', he rattled the handle. Instantly, Ed rushed over, slamming a large hand against the door that David was now trying to pry open.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, _Edward?_ I'm trying to see if there is anything on the other side of this door."

"Yeah I can _see that_ , but why?"

"Well as it is locked, there must be something valuable behind this door."

Ed snorted. "And there is something valuable, but _above the bar_. The rifle."

David ceased jiggling the door knob, facing Ed with suspicion written in his eyes.

"What rifle?"

"The rifle above the bar. We can use it to blow the heads off the motherfuckers! I can test it on you if you want….. _Motherfucker."_

"Hey! Come back here!" David roared as he sprung after a chortling Ed. David sneered when he cornered the _buffoon_ by the jukebox. He snarled:

"I am _not_ a motherfucker! Neither am I a prat, a prick or a git!"

Ed flashed a cheeky grin. "Don't forget cunt."

"WHY YOU-"

"DAVID!"

The man in question jumped, spinning round to face a fuming Liz. Gesturing to one of the seats, she barked:

"Sit down!"

"B-But Lizzie, d-did you _hear-"_

"I don't give a _flying fuck,_ David! Just sit down and be quiet!"

Mumbling angrily under his breath, David folded his arms across his chest as he trudged over to the indicated seat, slumping down on it and gazing at the floor. Ed mouthed a grateful thanks at Liz, also gracing a seat with his presence at her glare.

Liz stood on the table, speaking softly.

"I know this isn't the _best_ situation we're in, but Shaun is sorting everything out. He is risking his _life_ to protect us. So when he gets back, we'll need to show him some gratitude."

Her vision was solely on David, who sniped: "Fine, I'll show him gratitude! If he even gets back..."

Diane sent a sharp look at her boyfriend, slender fingers skimming Barbara's hair. "What's that supposed to mean, Daffs?"

"Oh come on, Di. He's not going to come back, I mean this is _Shaun,_ we're talking about. He is a lo-"

"My son is not a loser."

Everyone reverted their attention to Barbara, who had withdrawn slightly away from Diane, fixing David with a steely glare. Before the bespectacled man could utter another word, she spat out:

"I know what you were going to say. Though _you_ may think that, I certainly don't. Neither does Edward, or the lovely Diane or Pickle's girlfriend."

"Actually we're not together anymore…"

"Pickle's girlfriend… Nice…"

Barbara concluded: "So if you do not like or respect our opinions, I suggest you leave."

At this little speech, Ed, Liz and Diane were astonished, David seemingly _terrified._ Scraping his chair slightly as he turned it, David stared at the wall, shutting everyone else out. Liz climbed off of the table, smiling at Barbara who slumped back into Diane's arms.

Ed stroked Barbara's hand, murmuring: "Shaun will be here soon. Just you wait and see."

* * *

"OI! COME ON, YOU BRAIN MUNCHERS! FOLLOW THE SCENT!"

One of Shaun's hands was man-handling the handle bars, whilst the other one held a box of pizza high into the air. The lid was open, the wafting smell of a fresh pizza causing his stomach to growl. The motorbike, used for pizza deliveries, had been abandoned a little way down the road he had emerged into from the alley.

The bike had been on its side, blood nearby suggesting what had befallen the owner. And by the number of pizza boxes strapped to the back, the deliverer had disregarded the 'Z' incident, instead risking everything to bring people their food.

Shaun let loose a cry as the bike jerked, the hand on the bars clenching tightly. Hundreds of zombies were following him. He knew it was most likely due to the scent of _him_ and not the pizza, but Shaun hoped that the scent of the pizza would mask his own a bit. As he neared the motorway, dozens more zombies crawled out of the wood-work.

He flung the pizza over his shoulder, towards the zombies as he pulled onto the A127. Shaun tugged open the lid of another box, not wanting to dwell on whether he would make it back to the Winchester or not. The important thing was to lead them away from his family and friends.

' _Well… not David. He's a prick.'_

He kept his eyes averted from the fuel dial as well, concentrating on the road stretched out before him.

Shaun gulped as more zombies appeared on the sides of the road, darting out from behind the trees. He sped up even more, throwing the pizza like a Frisbee. A group of zombies fell on it like a pack of feral dogs, but Shaun didn't stick around long enough to find out if they actually ate it.

As he opened up the next box, one thought raced through his head which made him smile.

' _Shaun Riley…. Delivery boy for the undead.'_


End file.
